Friday, March 28, 2008

Bikini Season is Upon Us!!

Ahh the pre-bikini season, the time of year when you look in the mirror, decide how much you have gained over winter, and gather a game plan in order to hide, or cure yourself of it.
So, I have to tell you. Our house burnt down in December. Lost everything, horrible, horrible thing to go through. But, not only did we have to eat out for a few weeks there, all of my fat detectors, or skinny jeans, burnt up in the inferno.
You don't realize how much you use your jeans to judge your ass fat.
Anyway, to top that off, I was racing a snowmobile one night on a track in the woods on a bean field, and some geniuses decided to park in the middle of the race track with their lights out to have a smoke. By the time I saw them it was too late. Only taillight reflectors gave me a split second to decide which one to hit. I was wide open and doing an excess of 70MPH.
I lost consciousness, turned an odd shade of purple when I did come to that made everyone look at me as if they were seeing the walking dead.
I wondered what was wrong LOL
I cracked my neck and broke my arm in several places, and managed to get a severe concussion. We had just lost our health insurance before a company switch and there was no way I could go to an emergency room and expect not to be turned down from new company with "pre-existing condition".
So I whinned, cried, didn't move off the couch for a month, and made it through without going to the hospital. Probably stupid, but if you have ever been turned down for health insurance, and are self employed, it can take years before someone approves you again. It's complete and utter bullshit, but part of the system.
Anyway, I blew out an ear drum and the concussion was so bad that anytime I stood up or laid down, the room spun so badly it put me on the floor, or I would lay there and bellow. It is a horrible feeling when the entire world spins so rapidly you think you are being flushed down the consciousness toilet.
I also found that Excedrine in high doses of 6, really helped and didn't screw one up like Vicodin. Which is nice because I enjoy a good poop LOLOLOL and Vicodin doesn't.

Where was I?
Oh yeah..
Anyway, a month on the couch doesn't something very horrible to your ass. It grew as friends came over to bring offerings of dollar menu crap,and rush back to their children. Sweet I know and I was happy to have it, but since my husband had decided on a whim to jump in front of my snowmobile to save me (LOLOL DUH!) he was also very broken.

Anyway, if you have ever seen the documentary SuperSize Me, you know it took Morgan Spurlock 14 months to drop the 24 lbs he gained in 30 days.
Think about that, that is really a lb a day from eating just over a lb of food a day. I mean it's like pure ass-fat.
So here I am, feeling better, finally able to showed because the left side of my body is finally listening to my brain when it tells it to move, and I get on the scale.
Needless to say I have instilled an all natural food fast.
I am well on my way to Bikini-nation, but geesh. It begs the question, what do they put in that dollar menu shit, and how is it legal to feed it to the public?

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